I was watching Jane the Virgin. Have you watched it? Its so brilliant and funny, and honest. There was an episode on Jane debating whether to do an amniocentesis, or amnio for short and memories of my own experience with that came flooding back. Like immediately I thought wow, how many mothers-to-be out there were worried sick for their foetuses because of pre-screening examinations? How many had to go through this procedure because of probabilities and charts indicating risks? How many have miscarried because of that procedure? Its scary the way statistics play out in real life. How numbers some scientist did research on have real effects on pregnant women and the fate of their babies.
Of course the upside to it is that you know for certain the condition of your child. And you have an option to terminate because its not the life you had envisioned for yourself, or you might choose to carry forth with the pregnancy and start preparing for life caring for a special needs child. All these things and more ran through my head when I was given the option to do an amnio. In my case, I declined because whilst there were risks, it was quite low. And incidentally, if you are going through this, I highly recommend you do an amnio at NUH because they have FISH and that allows you to know your results within the same day. In other hospitals you wait as long as 10 days and that is pretty excruciating for mothers-to-be.
I thought to myself after seeing that episode that I am not sure I could go through pregnancy again. I feel quite extended worrying for four children, and I am not sure if I can extend myself anymore. The pregnancy was physically demanding and emotionally draining. Its very easy to forget now because it felt so long ago although its only been a year. Nothing makes a pregnancy turn into a negative event than the probability that your child is positive for something, and having an amnio hanging over your head. Because even if you really, really want to know the result, you also really, really do not want to know. Its like all of a sudden a whole lifetime with a child gets suddenly squeezed into this one small moment and your view of your future is blocked. You can’t see past the pregnancy. And I really hated that.