I REALLY wanted 2015 to start great. Like get going on my dissertation, continue caring for the girls so they grow from strength to strength, basically returning to normal motherhood not marred by pregnancies and newborns. Then I got a call today from my OBGYN office. My postpartum PAP smear was abnormal and I needed to follow up with a colposcopy procedure which they scheduled end-January 2015. The nurses added that it might just be to get further information on these abnormal cells or it could be early stages of cancer. Naturally I freaked out. Who doesn’t when you hear the word cancer. I shared the information with my husband and my friends, and I did research on what all these means, and overall the outlook for me is pretty good because if its bad news, its mostly treatable. And in the extremely bad news, well we’ll decide what will happen in terms of surgery when it comes to that. I’ve been doing PAP smears since my first pregnancy. I was quite ignorant of it until I got pregnant and realised I should have been doing it in my 20s. Since then I’ve been telling my female friends to get themselves checked regularly. I knew something was up with my PAP smear this time round because I didn’t get my results in the mailer. They usually call to let you know of results over the phone if its abnormal. So I was really bummed out because its starting to look like 2014 when I was horrified to find out I was pregnant with triplets and the uncertainties attached to that. I really hope its nothing, but if it is, then I am hoping to have the energy to deal with it bravely. I must say that when they told me this over the phone, the first thing that came to my mind was my husband and our four girls.
But on another seriously UP moment in this generally downcast day. Livia said, “I love you too” to me for the very first time.