2014 to Mar 2016

December and 2015

December is a time of reflection and relaxation for most people.  For me its a time for planning. Planning for the following year because I have a dissertation to finish.  Everyone likes to ask me, so exactly how long are you planning to prolong writing your dissertation and I tend to give a vague, oh probably in two to three years.  Ideally, I wish to complete by end-2016.  This means I have to write ferociously next year and that’s a bit hard while juggling four children and a household.

My good friend had a great suggestion.  She said I should break down my dissertation into pages and ask myself how many pages I can achieve daily.  What is the absolute minimum can I write per day?  I said I can only write during my husband’s off days, which means I can only write 2-3 times a week.  So with that in mind, we calculated how long I would take given this pace and according to our calculations, I should be able to write my entire dissertation in one and half years.  This is an extremely slow pace.  A person with no distractions can actually finish writing in four months.

I am not rushing to find a job.  I expect to be a stay at home mother till the children start primary school which is 2019 for Livia and 2021 for the triplets.  But I have many other little projects I want to embark on and I feel this dissertation is preventing me from starting on these things I am itching to do.  So the sooner I finish, the sooner I can start doing all these other things I’ve been planning to do.  I don’t want to say what yet, but its something creative-driven.  I don’t know what I can do with it but its a direction I want to attempt.  I don’t want to look back and say I wish I gave it a try.  It does feel a bit like starting over because I spent all that time in graduate school and have no wish to become a professor.  Life is messy like that.  You don’t know when the winds will suddenly change, and when you can afford the time and opportunity to try new things.

But I cannot think about these projects yet.  I am dabbling a bit into them when I have some spare time.  However, I feel 2015 should really just be focused on dissertation-writing when and if I am not taking care of the girls.  Its going to be pretty hectic.  I am going to feel overwhelmed and unmotivated sometimes.  But I need to keep at it.  I’ve already taken two and half years off to bear children, and lucky me, I had all four of them in a short span of time.  We had initially planned to bear children (if they were singletons) in 2016 and another one in 2018.  So I feel with family planning over (no more pregnancies, no more maternity leaves, no more newborn-caring), I can focus a little more on myself as a person.  I feel that this person has been so severely neglected, that sometimes I don’t know who I am anymore.

2015 will be hopefully be a year of rediscovery and progress made on that never ending dissertation.

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