2014 to Mar 2016

Burnt Out

We are at the two month mark with the triplets and wow, we are so BURNT OUT.  Like we just want to run away to a tropical paradise and leave the kids behind burnt out.  I know I am getting fed up when I start messaging my friends to hang out.  I told my husband that I know its tiring for him because he goes to work and then comes home and helps me out, but at least he gets a change of scene at work. At least he uses his hands and brains on something else more productive. I don’t.  I am stuck in a cycle of diapers, milk and endless tears (not mine, the babies).  A lot of things changed for us when Livia turned three months.  When she turned three months, everything stabilised because she slept through the night for 12-14 hours and we regained our sanity.  I keep hoping the same magic happens with the triplets when they turn three months.  Except that they were born a month early and I wonder if I have to wait for four instead of three months.

I often have open chatrooms with my friends since I cannot go out much these days and we catch up online.  And I forgot what the conversation was about but one of my closer friends reminded me that when I first left the OBGYN and announced to her on Whatsapp about my triplet pregnancy, she said my exact words were, *Bleep bleep* Why Me? Why Me?  I am not going to lie I still have those moments where I say Why Me?  In fact just today I shared with my friend that I am jealous of parents with their single newborns and she expressed shock that I could ever say that.  I know that when I start feeling envious, its a pretty good indicator how shitty I feel.  I know I should feel blessed with the abundance of children that I have in such a short time, but its still so overwhelming.  It used to be just an overwhelming feeling carrying triplets and caring for a toddler, but now its overwhelming in a practical trying to get through the day kind of overwhelming.  And with a singleton baby, things do get better, but experienced parents of triplets tell me things don’t get better, they just get different.  And in the last two months we have faced up to every challenge and struggle with the most optimism and energy our thirty-year old selves could muster and so we are definitely burnt out. Its also exhausting when people say we must be so busy.  Because well duh.  People also like to say its hard now but it will be rewarding later when they are all grown up.  I wish I was a short term pain for long term gain kind of person but I am not.  And the short term pain consumes my being that I cannot see that long term gain.

You know what I especially detest these days.  Parenting blogs and articles.  Suddenly no one is talking about me and I cannot identify with anyone because no one ever writes about life with multiples.  Its always typically a scenario of life with children that are spaced apart.  Their problems, their advice, their tips are like apples to my oranges.  I had relied on all these heavily when I was raising Livia and suddenly I feel shut out and slightly alienated.

But our difficult moments are not without enlightenment.  At our lowest points, we have been rescued several times by angels.  The most unexpected people would come into our lives and lift our spirits and I often think how I am proud to raise my girls in this world with people like these around.  Parents don’t need maids.  They don’t need in-laws.  They just need cheerleaders.

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